Positive Attitude Is the Key to Successful Communication
May 3, 2008
When it comes to digital communication (email, instant messaging, and web content like this blog), I always had the perception that such a communication medium is not ideal for human interaction because it cannot carry feelings. I mean, the writer’s feelings are not carried over such a bit-based infrastructure.
Put aside face to face meetings, compare the internet to phone communication. Over the phone, and even though the communicating parties cannot (most of the time) see each other, they can still know the other party’s mood and attitude. It is the voice and its pitch and intonation that can describe it all. I bet you can also know when the other speaker is smiling… Can’t you?
Of course the idea is simple. Digital media cannot carry voice intonation, cannot show the other party’s attitude, and of course the receiver’s reading capability govern his perceptions over what is being said.
Well, I guess I was wrong.
In one of the emails addressed to all team members I wrote just yesterday, I started the email with a lot of gratitude for their positive contribution, and ended it with more assurance regarding success and bright future. I was happy things are moving in the right direction and I made it clear that “with such a team … the sky is the limit”.
That did not go unnoticed. Almost all of the email recipient came back either by email or through the phone to say thank you. They were all happy with the project status so far and they are all looking forward for further successes.
I simply find it so hard to describe how happy I was with the response. It is unusual to get that much feedback given the current situation and project activities, and that made me wonder about the reason behind that positive reaction.
Let’s go back to the basics, communication is mutual. It goes both ways give-and-take, like playing a ball. The receiver reaction will surely be different if you throw the ball too hard or too soft, the game will not be harmonious, and one of the parties will stop playing and leave the playground probably not coming back again.
So what’s the catch? Isn’t it all about attitude.
When it comes to writing an email or communicating through instant messaging, one’s attitude lies in the choice of the words, the structure and length of the sentence, and above all the implicit hidden between-the-lines message. And those define the overall mood, the impact on the reader, and solicit for the proper response.
You need a positive response, start with a positive message first. Simple right… Not every time… Needs some work… Regardless, it is worth it. If you’re saying “thank you” say it with passion, and believe that the recipient will surely notice.
Get behind that steering wheel and take control!
In “The Matrix” movie, when Morpheus offered Neo the choice between two pills, a red pill that will answer the question “what is the matrix” and disconnect him from it, and the blue one that allows life to continue as it is, Neo, the chosen one, reached for the red pill.
He was chosen to achieve what no other human could, but first he has to believe he “is” the one, and herein lies the dilemma. Am I the one!
Neo had to go through a self discovery journey where he learned to break the rules of the “the matrix” (representing life imposed rules and limitations) just by believing he can do it. Can I!
What this represents is the core and essence behind each and every one’s skills, capabilities, and achievements. Wait a second, what is all that about!
It is about you, me, him and her, everybody. It is about us, humans, living life under the impression that “life is life”, take it as it is. I want you to know that it is not!
If you believe that your hands are tight and that there is nothing you can change, if you keep on asking yourself “Why would I care and what difference does it make”, if you believe that whatever happens for a reason and there is no other way it could have happened, allow me to ask you this question:
What do you want people to remember about you after your death?
Simple, no! No, it is not. Because not all of us have the guts to stand up to the fact that whether we like it or not we make our own destiny.
I love how William Earnest Henley said it in his famous poem entitled “Invictus“.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed
And at the very end he concluded saying:
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul
Among other things, several schools of thought have debated the essence of success. The introduction of the Law of Attraction back during the early 19th century was only a human way to define a rule for success, while The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and Getting Things Done (or GTD) are tools and techniques for you and me to achieve better results in life.
What is common among all these is one thing: It is choice not chance that makes your destiny.
I believe that playing the role of the victim is part of human nature. We somehow tend to feel relaxed by the idea that there is nothing we can do and we cannot change how things are. We use that as a means for condolence with our own grief and sorrow for whatever situation we are in. What makes things worst is when we start adhering to that attitude or when that attitude of apathy dominates our behavior.
To make a long story short, Henry Ford was quoted to say “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right”. It is all about YOU, yes YOU, and no one else.
I know, this all might seem a bit too theoretical at the beginning. I had that feeling as well and it took me a while struggling with my own self. I also was living my life with the perception that luck, chance and circumstance are the main drivers and the only reason why some people excel and others are merely transpassers with nothing to remember.
Taking control of your own life, and knowing that whatever is happening is due to some decision you made, are the rule number one for success. Regardless of how you look at it, this is a fact; a fact that we cannot continue our life closing our eyes and ignoring.
It takes dedication. It requires belief in oneself. It cannot be done without hard work. And the main driver is “ownership”. You own yourself, you own your life, you own your decisions, you own your choices, you own your results, and you own that impact you made in life.
It is up to you to decide, and you take full responsibility. After all, when someone will be telling the story of your life, the governing factors including culture, environment, situations, and circumstances will not be told or documented. Your tombstone can state one of two things. Your name, or your name and what you achieved. It will never be written that you tried and tried until you died.
It is a long journey and it takes a lot to achieve. And above all, please know that it is not easy. It never was for anyone and never will be any easier. But first, wake up and face it. Make that choice; you are what you think you are!